My Art History

Posted by Tammy

There was a time not that long ago when I was so blocked up creatively that I couldn't even put pencil to paper. It was something that kept coming up in my therapy sessions. (I went to regular therapy for a couple of years to deal with some underlying emotional stuff - nothing serious, but it helped to have a professional (and wonderful!) counselor to help me sort them out.) We would get on a topic and I would find I had trouble expressing myself. We tried one session to use crayons in order for me to express my feelings. This was a disaster! I started crying immediately. Apparently, creating art had become something I could NOT do.

My therapist asked me to draw the person that I saw in my mind as keeping me from being creative and making art. This pencil drawing is what I came up with. She is the critical me - the pulled back hair, the high heels, the pin stripe suit (use your imaginations for details...) And the words - normal, professional. Now - I am neither normal or professional, but that's what I was telling myself I had to be. PRESSURE!

Then she asked me to draw the "real me"... I actually managed color for this one (not without some tears). I LOVE scarves and earrings, and my hair wants to be a little crazy - so this is the real me - hair going every which direction and big accessories helping me look not so normal or professional!
Well - once we discovered my hidden creative and the problems reaching her, my therapist recommended art therapy and I haven't looked back since! I started art therapy not long after and I had the same issues in the first session - I couldn't even put pen to paper without bursting into tears. So we scribbled. For the first two weeks - I only scribbled. Once I learned to play a bit and not be quite so hard on myself I branched out to other art. After about 6 months of one on one art therapy, I joined my first art group. Whew! Scary and very fun! I've done numerous other groups since and have apparently found my inner creative and banished (almost!) the critical me.

She still rears her severely coiffed head now and then, but I don't always listen now! I am an artist! And now I know it and can own it!! Whew! I found and have scanned in some of my early art and I think I'll post it now and then to remind myself of the journey I've taken over the last 2, almost 3 years!Categories: me_, art_

2 Opinions:

nancy said...

tammy, i LOVED THIS!

it's been so hard for me to learn to say "i am an artist" -- this really resonated with me!!

i have to go back to work...but i'll be back!


Tammy said...

Thank you Nancy! Took me LOTS of work to believe that I am an artist. But, now I know I am and I have the confidence to try different things!

LOVE LOVE LOVE your website and blog! Thanks for visiting mine!